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Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Gravity is a real downer.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.