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I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.