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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....