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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
Been there, done that. allegedly
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in