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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."