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The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!