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There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.