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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.