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I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.