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Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
At least a stalker is there for you.