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Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats