Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.