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Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.