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Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
Please do not read this.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.