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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.