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3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
Real friends show me their boobs
Walmartians: Nothing says `FML` like these curious abominations of the shopping world.
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers