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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
Honk if you wanna see the finger
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…