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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
These ‘energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.