Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
I like people... From a distance.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.