Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
Keep calm and drink on.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.