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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. And the good news is, that`s pretty much everything.