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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
Some people should be ticketed for wearing spandex
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eegs
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.