Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.