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I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.