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I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.