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Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
Marriage is for quitters
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.