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I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.