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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.