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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
I was bored of doing the same thing day in and day out,so I phoned the "Local Ramblers Club"....but the guy on the other end of the phone just went on and on and on!
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.