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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
I had your cake and ate it too.