Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
Honk if you are reading this.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Well, it`s almost the end of the year. No point in trying to become a good person this late in the game.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)