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Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That’s why most women wear makeup and most men lie.