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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch