Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.