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Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. But giving payment when payment is due is an entirely different thing.
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
A wasp just landed on my balls. Hardest decision of my life.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.