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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
lifes a laugh, start living it!
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.