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Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?