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I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.