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I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
So far, I`ve had exactly "call my ex" number of beers tonight!!!
i only drink on days that end with y
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
10 times out of 9, you’ll find me exaggerating about something
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?