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Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.