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Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
Good for you, people that do things.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.