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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.