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It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.