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I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Hello...
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
it`s friday o clock
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it