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I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
I like the part of the day when food happens.
Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.