Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
Please drink responsibly this weekend and don`t drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won`t leave the house! ... Good talk!
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
Netflix would be by far the best dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.