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I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
I’m a proud supporter of messy hair and sweatpants.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.