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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.