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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."