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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!