Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.