Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can`t make eye contact.
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
My son asked what he should say if a bully said to give him his lunch money. I said tell him you left it on his moms nightstand.
wants to rock and roll all night
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
If Welch’s is 100% Grape Juice, then why the heck do you list 4 other ingredients?
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener