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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.