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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.