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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious!
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.