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It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.