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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
It’s not pretty being easy.