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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
"Don`t try this at home" encourages people to try it at another`s home instead.
I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
My anger management class pisses me off
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.