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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
My downstairs neighbor thinks I`m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that`s what she wrote in her diary.
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.