Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. Iām so glad Iām not a crazy person.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
My favorite beer is an open one.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ā My stages of getting ready for work