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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
My therapist says I have imposter syndrome. But come on, I`m not good enough to have something fancy like that.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....