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Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
I want a firsthand test of the "mo money, mo problems" hypothesis.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then Iām assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent