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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.