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You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
I drink coffee for your protection.