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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
I like to take an empty Krispy Kreme donut box to work and sit in the break room and watch all of the disappointed faces
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.