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The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to open the vodka is the smartest.
Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.