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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.