Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
if you want me to go running with you, I´m going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.