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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.