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Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.