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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
Be honest, you haven’t even walked a mile in your own shoes.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.