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I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
Most of my colleagues and friends can`t spell colleagues or friends.
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.